I try not to be too much of a whiner, but I am getting a little tired of the mask-wearing.
It does have some definite advantages, though.
The Top 10 Ways to Make Wearing Surgical Masks in Public Actually FUN!
10. Sneering at complete strangers who refuse to wear masks is quite satisfying! And always follow up with a glare. And refuse to look away.
9. Breathing in and out quickly results in the flimsy papery “fabric” sucking slightly into your mouth, and it appears as if you are hyperventilating. Follow up with rolling your eyes back in your head. Fun in the grocery line!
8. Yawning directly at people is not polite but at least with a mask on you’re a little less obvious. And yawning begets yawning; so if you do it right, you can get the whole check out line yawning with you.
7. Non-verbal communicating is a funky adventure! Instead of saying “Thank you,” respond by opening your eyes REAL WIDE after the clerk gives you your change.
6. Making “kissy faces” at attractive men is a now a necessary part of my day.
5. Muttering obscenities is easy and virtually undetectable.
4. Raising your brows up and down, a la Groucho Marx, is a way to illicit some great reactions. Again, no speaking allowed. Just your eyebrows do the talking.
3. Ladies, you haven’t had your eyebrows waxed in 3 months? Scoop up a big dollop of Vaseline on your finger, smear it on them brows, and comb them straight up towards your forehead. Men LOVE that flared, wild, satanic look.
2. Splatter several droplets of red food coloring on the outside of your mask. If people ask if it’s blood, just say, “Yes, it is. Not mine, though.“ Then follow up with a hard squint.
1. Mix it up a bit– substitute a bandanna occasionally, and hook your thumbs on your front jean belt loops. Saunter around, (always leading with your pelvis, as the real cowboys do), telling anyone who will listen, “I’m a cowboy! Did you rustle my cattle?” if they say “No,” ask them if they would like to.
Try these at your next public outing. And by all means, comment and let me know if you have any other suggestions on how I can make wearing these masks a little less annoying and a little more fun. Thanks for reading!